This is the AFML's personalized list of the ways we would like to see Diana Fowley die. No real physical or other harm is intended by this list--remember, all our creative hatred is toward a surreal character, rather than a real person. :) Join us as we pursue the Delectable Demise of Diabolical Diana.
"You know what I think a more fitting end to Diana is for her to accidently get Mulder & Scully together (like in the fic) and let her suffer the way she made Scully (& us!) suffer w/the whole hand holding etc thing. THEN we throw her into the sarlacc pit where she will be digested for a thousand years!! That way she'd besuffering but no one would be bothered by her incessant wails of pain :)"
"She should die on Truth Day (6/9/99). Mulder should kill her on Truth Day, and then go do the wild thing with Scully."
"There are some natives from my country that shrink heads. We could tell them to shrink hers!"
"Why don't we just torture the bitch and the boil her and server her hot?"
Voodoo Doll, and Scully has the steel pins..."
bit of a shipper ending) "DBD tied to a chair and her face
is shoved into a huge lemon meringue pie in which she suffocates.
That way, she's dead, and covered in creamy goo. When Scully and
Mulder find the body, Scully could reach out, stick her finger in
the meringue and taste it and say, "Mmm, want a taste
Mulder?" while offering him some to suck off her finger.
Mulder then tastes and says, "Yeah, I bet this would taste
good all over you, Pookie."
about El Chupacabra comes back and touches her? Then she would
have that nasty fungus growing all over her."
her at the stake!"
water on her and see if she melts!"
should get infected by the black oil and puke it out through her
eyes like ratboy did. Only she'll have to be stuck in that
chamber for a long time and grow really old and gross."
can take lessons from Southpark and make Diana into "The
Kenny of the X-files", meaning she gets killed in every
could meet up with Eugene victor Tooms' long lost twin
brother...(or Tooms himself but he got squished)"
could succumb to F. Emasculata... oooh, wouldn't that be fun to
watch! Diana's face disfigured by pustulating boils..."
comes in contact with some of the flesh-eating-virus infected
money from "the Pine Bluff Variant"
upon a new chain of Chaco's Chicken, she is chopped into little
bits and passed off as "chaco's secret recipe"... hence
the name 'Kentucky Fried Fowley'"
is abducted under mysterious circumstances, (although this time
Mulder doesn't seem to care much). She is experimented on, has
all of her ova stolen, contracts a weird form of cancer after
having a strange metallic object removed from her neck, and
finally dies. (Mulder could've found a cure but he was too busy
being with Scully)"
turns out to be a consortium spy, and tries to kill Mulder.
Scully has to shoot her to save Mulder's life. As Diana falls to
the ground dead, Mulder rushes to see if Scully is all right.
ALTERNATE: She turns out to be a consortium spy and tries to kill
Scully. Mulder has to shoot her to save Scully's life... (same
ending as before)"
MUTILATIONS!!! (guess who the cow is?)"
that big snake from Die Hand Die Verletzt? I think she should get
handcuffed to a stairway in a dark basement while a big python
slithers down and swallows her.
Oh, thats gotta hurt idea: How about during
one of their X-Files, the agents (including DBD) stumble onto a
village thats very medieval (caught in a medieval time
warp), and the residents somehow find out that DBD is evil (ah,
residents after my own true heart). They then use various means
of torture on her. Specifically, Im thinking of that good
ole standard, the horse pull (where four horses pull each of your
limbs until you die a painful death, and even then Im not
sure if they stop). Im not too picky, however, because they
have a lot of good torturous devices.
Malevolently Morbid idea: During an investigation, DBD
follows Scully while doing one of her autopsies. For some reason,
Scully is called out during the middle of it. While Scullys
out, curiosity gets the better of DBD, and she starts looking
closer at the body. Either a living creature is still inside the
body, which gets DBD, or there is still some
pathogenic organism on the body which is transferred to her.
Either way, she dies a slow and painful death. Do I sense a trend
with these deaths?
Back in the Good Ol Days idea: While DBD
was away in the last five years, she contracted some rare and
fatal disease. Maybe shes already dying, and the more
important business she had to get back to is really to say
goodbye to people. This is sounding awfully sappy. Lets
throw in a little twist. She really wants to get revenge on the
world for giving her this disease, and attempts to infect as many
people as possible. However, our dynamic duo discover her
poisonous plans before she can do much (she had to infect a few
people for them to discover the path of origin) and they have to
isolate her. One of the infected people discovers her whereabouts
and gives her her just deserts (Strangulation? Mutilation? Simply
shot? You decide her fate as you see the infected person with
eyes full of rage enter her room just before the scene fades to
Almost Feasible But Yet Decidedly Deadly idea: When she was
shot, there was massive blood lost. She needed a transfusion, but
somehow it wasnt screened properly, and she contracted
Hepatitis B. This would be perfect, because the incubation period
would allow her to be in her 6 (or 7) alloted episodes and then
die from cirrhosis or liver cancer or something.
Totally Uncreative and Never Likely to Happen idea: She gets
hit by a bus while on her way to work.
finally turns against the dynamic duo and takes Mulder hostage in
exchange for vital evidence, but then renigs on her deal and
tries to shoot him. Scully bursts in at the last second, kicks
the crap out of Diana who somehow still manages to get hold of a
gun. Then Mulder is forced to shoot Diana in order to save
Scully. Afterwards Mulder says, "What took you so long,
should have Diana go through everything that Scully did for
Mulder. She is abducted under myterious circumstances while
helping Mulder on a case, and be missing for 4 weeks, and return
only to have her memory stolen along with her ova and her un-born
child. She found a chip that was implanted in the back of her
neck, and has it removed. She develops a cancerous tumor and is
put under treatment by doctor Scanlon. This makes her cancer even
worse, but she doesn't die.... she has to suffer. She then finds
her un-born child and is forced to sacrifice her because she is
dying too. She is too sick to go to her funeral, though so she
has to stay home. While at home a virus-carring bee flys in
through the window and stings her in the back of the neck. Then,
someone from her building hears her scream and calls 911. She is
then taken to Antarctica where she is held in a pod where she is
kept in suspended animation and tested on." -The Official
Non-Shipper of the AFML
"I think Fowley should just hurry up and die already... Shouldn't she be dying soon anyway? I mean how old is she? 500? 600?" - Sara
"No, she's waaay older. Diana Fowley is what killed the dinosaurs. She took off her shirt and killed them all. I'm surprised Mulder only went insane. I guess he has a strong stomach." - D_Scully_1013
"WOW for years respected scientists have been trying to figure out what killed the dinosaurs, and Spooky figured it out so fast. Do you think she might have started the plague by taking off her skirt?????" - JohnR
"Diana Fowley was the result of Mr & Mrs Hankey :) (the xmas poos), and then cultured by Victor Frankenstein." - Scully (ours)
just choose and cruise